I've been more or less avoiding my friends. I want to be left alone. Maybe I'm just trying to adjust to the pace of a bustling HKG after rural NZ.
But if I were honest, I would admit I hated my own guts. I can't face the fact that I wasn't paddling. I didn't even want to look at myself, and I most certainly didn't want others to look at me.
It's nearly 3am and I'm now shaking in front of my computer, a hair from breaking down into tears, half out of excitement, and the other half, of anxiety. I think I'm going to do a bit of paddling today, for the first time since my surgery. It's also the first time I feel like I want to reach out to my friends again and reintegrate myself into the community.
I don't know who I am if I stopped paddling. I don't think I realized how lost I have been until now. I didn't understand who I was, and couldn't seem to comprehend how I ended up in this situation.
But today, I'm going paddling. And that, I know how to handle.
The forecast: sunny/ isolated shower, SE BF4. (10 Aug 2010, T)
My concerns are heatstroke (I'm still not acclimatized to the heat in HKG) and another dislocation. I also don't have a paddlefloat (left mine in NZ), and I will be using my spare paddle as Kiska stayed in NZ too.
I'll bring:
-Mobile phone, C-strobe, spare batteries, a nalgene bottle to keep electronics dry.
-Whistle? Pointless as I'll be quite alone. (And I think I left my sea horse in NZ too.)
-sunblock, hat (grey in color)
-PFD? Will bring a yellow one IF I bring one.
-SPF top with long sleeves for sun protection.
I'll be paddling Martlet.
Will leave towline etc behind, as I'll be alone. Won't bring VHF because I'm not crossing channels.
I actually don't have a space blanket. Used them all up in NZ. I know I once swore against this but just this once I'm going to launch without a space blanket. Again, I'm not going to go far.
I'm so anxious it's driving me wild.
